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18th over: South Africa 50-3 (Markram 6, Van der Dussen 3) Five more dots from Anderson, before he strays onto the pads and Van der Dussen glances him around the corner for two.
“I love the idea of a cricket version of Speed,” says Jeff Vincent, “but surely Ben Stokes has to be played by Damian Lewis? I had to check the cast list to make sure it wasn’t actually Ben Stokes playing Henry VIII in Wolf Hall.”
I thought Tom Hardy was perfect, I must say – he’s got that ruggedness and hint of danger Lewis lacks, and seems a lot more likely to throw hands outside Mbargo.
17th over: South Africa 48-3 (Markram 6, Van der Dussen 1) I wonder if England read conditions better than South Africa, or at least knew that they were perfect for their attack; the pitch isn’t doing loads, but it’s giving line bowlers just that smidge of help they need. On top of that, batting conditions should improve, and though I understand why Elgar opted to take first knock, with his line-up and against this opposition, that was a very big gamble that, so far, has failed. Meantime, Broad is bouncing in, ceding a two and a one before beating Markram with one that dies before reaching Foakes and scuttling away for two more; two to midwicket follow, making that seven off the over.
16th over: South Africa 41-3 (Markram 2, Van der Dussen 0) Anderson replaces Robinson, who bowled really well and will, no doubt, still be cursing the no ball that cost him the wicket of Elgar. Still, he more than played his part in making it happen – in that opening spell, it was him exerting pressure more than his more august partner. Maiden.
“Only tangentially related to your 12th over request (insofar as it combines booze and spirituality,” emails Steven Haslemere, “but there was a Sikh gentleman well-known around a pub I used to attend in Cambridge. His nickname was ‘The Exorcist:’ when he went round to your house all the spirits disappeared.”
Oh that’s lovely.
15th over: South Africa 41-3 (Markram 2, Van der Dussen 0) We see Matty Potts sitting indoors and I think he might be taking notes; that’s interesting if so. He’ll know he’s got work to do, especially in bowling at lefties, and watching Robinson’s first spell, he’ll also know that unless there’s an injury, his Test-match summer is probably over. South Africa really, really need these two make lunch, and there’s an appeal when Broad clouts Van der Dussen’s thigh pad; I think there was an edge, and I’m sure it eas going down.
WICKET! Petersen c Root b Broad 21 (South Africa 41-3)Broad has 2-3! He’s absolutely loving these conditions and, knowing him, the appalling slight of the new ball going elsewhere. Pitching on a length, he tempts Petersen to flash at one he could leave – p-r-e-s-s-u-r-e – and Root ouches the catch at one. England are all over this; South Africa are, as they say around OT, stroogling.
Keegan Petersen heads back to the pavillion. Photograph: David Davies/PA14th over: South Africa 40-2 (Petersen 21, Markram 2) Petersen presents the full face, earning three down the ground – I think those are the first runs taken to that area, which tells you how well England have bowled, because they’ve been pretty straight and fairly full, yet still haven’t been driven. Anyhow, Markram tickles two to mid on, then, Robinson responds with one that lifts off a length and nips away too; Markram does well to stay inside it.
“I recall being a guest at a barmitzvah in the mid-1970s,” says John Starbuck, “and enticed to try the whisky via the offering of loads of fruit cake, naturally needing something to wash it down with; a very obliging middle-aged lady being the temptress.”
Had you just graduated?
13th over: South Africa 35-2 (Petersen 18, Markram 0) Markram ignores the first ball he faces, and that’s over.
And that will be drinks. England have earnt one, South africa need one.
WICKET! Elgar c Bairstow b Broad 12 (South Africa 35-2)Stuart Broad! He’s been excellent this morning, of course he has, and though Elgar did his best to guts it out, he can’t help but wave at one that leaves him off a length, Bairstow doing really well – at three, I think – to slide fingers under ball, on the dive. England are rolling!
Stuart Broad is congratulated after removing Elgar. Photograph: Lindsey Parnaby/AFP/Getty Images13th over: South Africa 35-1 (Elgar 12, Petersen 18) Fingers are rocking on as Broad experiments with a new appealing technique – how do you do fellow kids – after squaring up Elgar and whacking the pad. But the ball was clearly going down – as even he has to concede, eventually. So Broad goes again, whacking the pad again and that one looks much closer … but again, the angle, from around to the lefty Elgar, means he’s missing leg stump.
12th over: South Africa 35-1 (Elgar 12, Petersen 18) The camera pans to DI Gower, who Sanga tells us, knows his plonk so well he’s on the wine committee of the Garrick Club. I love the way it’s possible to turn thirst-quenching into an intellectual pursuit – modern orthodox Jews are bang into their whisky, so growing up, I’d feign an interest in islays, speysides and such to tickle the ego of those adults who owned the bottles and considered their boozing a reflection of intellect, in order to get myself slaked. Please feel free to share your tricks! Anyhow, back in the middle, Robinson, diddles Petersen again – that’s the tenth time he’s beaten the bat this morning – and he keeps doing it in the same way, a bit of bounce, a bit of nip, and an implacable line from on high. Except his next ball is cut hard to the point fence for four, and two more follow.
11th over: South Africa 28-1 (Elgar 11, Petersen 12) Broad replaces Anderson and Petersen pokes his loosener to point for a single; Broad retaliates with one that beats the outside edge with both bounce and shape. There follows brief excitement when Elgar looks to turn to leg and misses – Foakes grabs, only to learn it’s via pad not bat – then Elgar takes one more to extra. England are right on top here, but they’ll want another wicket quickly, before the batters ensconce.
10th over: South Africa 26-1 (Elgar 10, Petersen 11) Oh this is a lovely shot from Elgar, who’s done well to hang around, and now drives Robinson through long off for four. BUT HAVE AN ABSOLUTE LOOK! Robinson coaxes the inside-edge, it’s guzzled at short leg by Pope, Elgar walks … and out goes the umpire’s arm to signal a no ball. Expletive! All that time out, a fine spell this morning, and now this; Robinson will be feeling sicker than a parrot that’s just smoked an entire pack of Embassy No1s.
Pope snaffles a fine catch in vain. Photograph: Matt West/REX/Shutterstock9th over: South Africa 21-1 (Elgar 6, Petersen 11) Anderson strays wide and Petersen makes sure he doesn’t miss out, throwing hands to make sure that the ball flies through backward point and to the rope for four. So Anderson retorts, pinning him on pad and crease; there’s an appeal, but it’s going down. Two singles follow.
“I was surprised by some of the names suggested for the nefarious cricketer from the 90’s cruelly cast aside roster,” emails Mark Slater. “Hemmings and Pringle pretty much played for as long as they were of Test ability, the latter being something of a stock bowler when Gus Fraser was crocked, but the really astonishing one was Hick. I was earlier trying to remember a player like Zak Crawley who was always being given a chance to prove himself to the possible detriment of trying others – and the name I was looking for was Graeme Hick. My choice from the list is Kim Barnett, whose long term exclusion until too late was always fodder for cricket writers.”
Barnett was on my list, but we were talking about players who came in and out, rather than ones who were cruelly cast aside, I think, hence Hemmings and Pringle – though I’m far from certain either was ever of Test-match ability.
8th over: South Africa 15-1 (Elgar 5, Petersen 6) Elgar takes another single off Robinson’s first ball, but his third is an absolute pinger, the high release point forcing it to leap off the pitch and jag off the seam; Petersen could’ve had a bat the side of Jansen and still missed that. He then gets off strike with a single to off, before Elgar edges one that leaves him late … just short of Stokes at three … or not! He couldn’t quite get a hand under it, and though it would’ve been a screamer, I can’t say it didn’t carry. This is every bit as intense as we need it to be.
7th over: South Africa 13-1 (Elgar 4, Petersen 5) Already, England have South Africa under more pressure than at Lord’s, and not just because they haven’t collapsed yet – this is much better bowling. We learn that Anderson is playing his 100th home Test, something that’s never been done before and will likely never be done again, which makes me marvel, not just at his unfathomable skill, but his astounding lean whippiness and devotion to sustaining that. Anyhow, Elgar shovels two to cover then a single in similar direction, and this is a really good battle.
6th over: South Africa 10-1 (Elgar 1, Petersen 5) Elgar has now faced 14 balls without scoring, but following a Stokes-angering leg bye that allows Petersen off strike, he forces a single to backward square after which a thick edge earns Petersen four, the first boundary of the match. It rained a lot last night, we learn, as Root dries the ball with a towel, which works nicely for Robinson, who then extracts a bit of extra bounce and seam movement, moving one away from the bat with no reward.
“Tom van der Gucht’s characterisation of Speed as high-brow certainly raised my eyebrows a notch or two!” exclaims Steven Haslemere. “High-brow, really? What does that make a film like Inception, then?”
Not as wise as it keeps advising you it is?
5th over: South Africa 4-1 (Elgar 0, Petersen 1) Looking again, Foakes almost made a mess of that, getting to the ball with his wrists – but he did well to adjust on the dive. Petersen then nurdles to backward square for one, and this match is away.
WICKET! Erwee c Foakes b Anderson 3 (South Africa 3-1)Now this is a concept movie we’ve seen before, but it’s no less enthralling for that. After a few moving away, Anderson coaxes one to nip back and Erwee, who’s been doing his best to edge, finally connects with one, the ball passing between bat and body, for Foakes to snaffle.
Delight for Anderson after dismissing Erwee. Photograph: Jason Cairnduff/Action Images/Reuters5th over: South Africa 3-0 (Elgar 0, Erwee 3) Anderson beats Erwee’s outside edge again – he’s not settled yet…
4th over: South Africa 3-0 (Elgar 0, Erwee 3) With the first two balls of the over, Robinson finds some late away-swing having incited Erwee to drive; both times, he misses. Then a single twizzled off the tootsies to backward square earns him another single, the only run off the over, and Robinson goes at Elgar from around – to no avail.
3rd over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 0, Erwee 2) I’m still thinking about Tom van der Gucht’s concept cricket action movie; imagine how many suspects there’d be! Capel, Ealham, Austin, Ramps, Hick, McCague, Ilott, Bicknell, Irani, Hemmings, Crawley, Gallian, Morris, Pringle, Rhodes, Salisbury, Larkins, Watkin, Mallender, Maynard, Barnett, Reeve and so on. Anyhow, this is a much better over from Anderson; his first ball kisses Erwee on the box, then a single to square leg allows the batter to recuperate down the other end. Staying around to Elgar, he then denies him width and is finding his rhythm.
2nd over: South Africa 1-0 (Elgar 0, Erwee 1) It’s Robinson from the other end, which I think makes more sense than Broad. The pitch didn’t do loads in that first over, but have a look! Robinson’s second ball is full, bounces and jags away, far too good for Erwee’s outside edge. So he survives and gets the scoreboard going with a back-footed press to cover for one, then Robinson forces Elgar into an inadvertent edge onto the pad. That was a pretty decent over, especially from someone who’s not played a Test in a while.
1st over: South Africa 0-0 (Elgar 0, Erwee 0) Anderson begins from around and sends his loosener flying down the leg side, handing Ben Foakes an early stretch; his second ball is on the money and his fourth is excellent nipping in but passing over the rainbow stumps – what a lovely initiative that is. Cricket, and everything, are for everyone. Maiden.
“‘Though Duckett is in form now, perhaps they don’t think him a viable Test batter over the stretch,’ says Graham O’Reilly, quoting me back to myself. “And Zak is ? Wow!”
Well, the selectors seem to think so. I’m not saying they’re right, just trying to suggest why they might be doing what they’re doing.
Anderson starts with a maiden over. Photograph: Jason Cairnduff/Action Images/ReutersJimmy Anderson will open the bowling from the James Anderson End. Are they related?
“I disagree with Sanga that swapping Harmer for Jansen lengthens the tail,” emails Martin Brook. “They both average around 20 in tests and Harmer’s fc average is 0.43 higher than Jansen’s.”
I was just looking at that – Harmer has two first-class tons and made 50 and 38* for Essex against Surrey just a month ago.
Anthem time. I do like the South Africa one.
“Can you think of any test cricketer in history whose surname is a palindrome,” says Richard Davies, “apart from South Africa’s Aiden Markram? Got to go, nurse says it’s time for my medication.”
That is a very good question. The internet tells me he took the record from Rangy Nanan, who played one Test for West Indies in 1980.
“It’s cold and blustery here in Cape Town, so real Manchester weather,” says Trevor Tutu. “I suppose if anyone knows Old Trafford it would be Mike Atherton, but I can’t help feeling that England wouldn’t really like facing the South African attack if the ball is doing anything this morning. I like that we are playing two spinners though, and that probably explains why we are batting first.”
Yup, either way makes sense for South Africa. I guess the way Elgar sees it, England also won’t fancy facing his attack with 450 on the board; there’s no bowler as deadly as SB Pressure.
“No batsmen demanding inclusion?” asks an incredulous Kevin Wilson. “Didn’t Ben Duckett smack a big hundred against a Test-quality South African attack a couple of weeks ago? He can easily slot into any of the top three positions.”
I can’t second-guess the selectors, but aside from wanting to give the incumbents every chance, they’ve also got to distinguish between form and class. So though Duckett is in form now, perhaps they don’t think him a viable Test batter over the stretch.
Teams!England: 1 Alex Lees, 2 Zak Crawley, 3 Ollie Pope, 4 Joe Root, 5 Jonny Bairstow, 6 Ben Stokes (capt), 7 Ben Foakes (wk), 8 Ollie Robinson, 9 Stuart Broad, 10 Jack Leach, 11 James Anderson.
South Africa: 1 Dean Elgar (capt), 2 Sarel Erwee, 3 Keegan Petersen, 4 Aiden Markram, 5 Rassie van der Dussen, 6 Kyle Verreynne (wk), 7 Keshav Maharaj, 8 Simon Harmer, 9 Kagiso Rabada, 10 Anrich Nortje, 11 Lungi Ngidi.
“I watched Speed last night,” brags Tom van der Gucht, “and was lamenting how we don’t get high-brow action films with a clear selling point like that anymore. Die Hard, Point Break, Executive Decision etc … I think the beauty of these films was the basic pitch so I got thinking about cricket (no pun intended) and came up with my action cricket film:
It’s 2023 … the Lords Coronation test … King Charles and newly elected (following a snap Truss election) PM Keir Starmer are in attendance. England are in trouble, just before lunch they’re 4 down for 15 runs within the first hour. Stokes (played by Tom Hardy) walks through the Long room and is handed a note by a steward as he enters through the gate: it reads… “Bombs are planted around the ground … The Duke balls have a mile-o-meter installed … each one has to travel a minimum of 10km every hour … if not … kaboom. No-one else knows, and if they find out … KABOOM! If you make it to 80 overs, you’ll have saved everyone…” With beads of sweat dripping, he smashes his first 3 balls for 6 and continues going ballistic until … Lunch!
The film continues with dramatic moments including a flurry of wickets followed by Leach stonewalling; the opposing team questioning the state of the ball and Stokes sweating as it is passed through the shape hoop as he looks on powerless … An onset of cramp … slow over rates … etc.
It’s writing itself!
Turns out the bomber is a disgruntled ex-player shafted during the 90s by the revolving door selection policy. Perhaps played by John Simms. Perhaps, Stokes communicates what’s happening to Andy Zaltzman in Morse Code through dot balls and singles over a quite two over period who alerts the authorities.”
Mark Lathwell, movie star – I love it!
“I’m glad Robinson’s been picked,” emails Jonathan Robinson, “he offers something different. However, I’m not sure I get the height/bouncy OT pitch analysis. I can see the SA batsmen leaving him on height all day long, until they force him to pitch it up, so they can drive. Obviously, when he now gets 7-57, you can thank me.”
I’m no expert, but I think the rationale is that his natural length hits top of off on this track, and I doubt he or England will mind if the South Africa batters try and drive him.
Sanga notes that by replacing Jansen with Harmer, Elgar has lengthened South Africa’s tail, so their middle order will need to bat well to set up something at which their spinners can bowl.
“Maybe I’m looking at it too simplistically,” returns Matt Dony, “but I don’t see it as playing the same way in all conditions and situations, more about approaching each game with the same mindset, and removing a fear of failure. More philosophical than physical. But then, yes, there needs to be a certain amount of ability to adjust during the game. The question is, how do you find that balance, while instilling a new approach and mindset? Completely cede the point about opener selection, though. Picking someone who you accept will be streaky at best does rather undermine the ‘go at it and be exciting’ message.”
If that was the case, I’d agree. But after Lord’s, McCullum said that his team weren’t attacking enough in their first innings, when to my untrained eye it looked like batting time and putting the bowlers into their third and fourth spells made more sense than trying to thrash them off their lengths.
England were going to field, says Ben Stokes, because of “these fantastic bowling conditions”; I daresay they fancy a chase too. He’s really happy for Ollie Robinson, who’s worked really hard to get back and whose bounce he thinks will work well on this track. He defends Zak Crawley again, obviously, and reckons a hiccup of the sort his team endured at Lord’s is fair enough.
South Africa win the toss and bat!Dean Elgar says it looks quite dry, and when you pick two spinners you have to back yourself; Simon Harmer replaces Marco Jansen, not because of anything Jansen has done but because he’s a horse for a course. Though today looks a bowling day, he says every day is a bowling day in Manchester.
“Good morning Daniel and everyone,” says Dean Kinsella. “Amidst all the changes being rung in cricket, on and off the pitch, at least one thing doesn’t change: England, after their batting was decimated in the Lords test, only drop a bowler. Go figure.”
Yes, this does tend to happen a bit – but not without reason, I don’t think. I guess there aren’t that many batters demanding inclusion – Harry Brook maybe – and the biggest difference between the sides was the attack, I think. The problem England have is that it’s still one RFM for another because the quicks are all injured – though perhaps Robinson’s height will extract more from the pitch.
Email! “You’re exactly right,” begins Matt Dony, in an incredible turn-up for the books. “Those early wins are totally unsustainable. But they were thrilling and exhilarating and amazing. And is that a price worth paying? Last week was painful, but mercifully brief. Yo-yo-ing hilariously between the agony and the ecstasy seems like fun. It might not be classic Test cricket, but there’s a lot to be said for confusing excitement.”
I don’t think it’s one or t’other – it depends on circumstances. So going for an unlikely target and risking the draw to get a win, fine. But picking an opener, then telling him he’s not expected to be consistent, and that a decent knock every now and again is fine? Playing the same way in all conditions, every match situation and regardless of the opposition? I don’t totally get that, nor the inference that Test cricket should be 100mph all the time.
It’s overcast in Manchester, but no one has ever inserted the opposition and won a Test at OT; furthermore, Athers is adamant that whatever you think about the weather, regardless of whether these will be the most swing-bowling friendly conditions of the match, you bat. And yet, I bet South Africa will be tempted to insert England, just as England will be tempted to make sure they bat last.
PreambleAt teatime on day two of the Lord’s Test, I got chatting to a friend of a friend about why England were in so poor a position. “We’ve got a saying in Pakistan,” he said, so I excitedly prepared myself for an aphorism of beautifully lyrical evocation, for use in nonsense such as this. “Pace is pace,” he said.
And he was right. Sometimes there’s no need for anything metaphorical, because the tautological is metaphorical enough: pace is pace. It’s probably fair to note that South Africa won a good toss, but it’d be foolish to think that was the key difference between the sides. Rather, it was four bowlers of quality coming from varying angles and heights, all of them delivering the ball at greater speed than England’s – after two days’ play, the tourists had delivered 89 balls at 140km/h and above; England had delivered one, in 32 more overs.
Then, on day three, I was en route to haitch cue – steady yourselves, this is another gripping yarn – and a mate mentioned that he might have to leave early to satisfy domestic demands, so I helpfully reassured him that the match would be over long before the close. This is not because I am a seer; rather, this is what England do: all the Bazball in the world can’t alter the fact that their batting is light, and the style of those early summer wins, though amazing, is unsustainable.
In such context, the last thing England need now is a visit to Old Trafford and the country’s most testing Test wicket. We can’t be certain how it’ll play, but generally speaking, it rewards quicks with a bit of extra zip and spinners with a bit of extra rip – or, put another way, the South Africa attack. Of course, it’s not as simple as that, partly because it rarely is and partly because Branderson, now loose, know how to bowl in Manchester and know how to rebound from a tousing. This is going to be great.
Play: 11am BST